Monday, November 23, 2009
Offensive
Well hello: This is Ed Hattaway and I am addressing this to whomever reported my handshake blog to facebook as offensive. I would ask you to write me on my facebook page and tell me specifically want you found offensive. I realize I use cuss words(what we used to call them growing up), but I do not understand what part of the actual content you find offensive. My point was that the traditional handshake I saw military men use as a child at Fort Hood seems to have been lost and I miss that. The men I looked up to were mainly soldiers(Vietnam Vets) and i don't see that much integrity in today's world. The part about African Americans does not come from any racist place as anyone who knows me knows that i don't have a racist bone in my body. I spent 5 years in Texas prisons and was at the bottom of the food chain if you get my meaning. Being an educated white man is about a half step above child molesters on the most despised scale in that world and survived those years and did not walk out of that place hating African Americans. In fact I came away with a much better understanding of their plight. I think I handled myself in that not so warm and fuzzy environment pretty damn well, considering my treatment. I was trying to be amusing by stating the fact that allot of white guys(myself included) want to be cool(part of the beauty of the African American culture) by emmulating them and it doesn't work. We should all love who we are and be grateful that we are unique. One thing I love about America is the freedom of speech. Men far greater than I could ever hope to be have died for this right. I am as patriotic as any person in this country and when we censor our thoughts, our words, and our beliefs we dishonor those men and women who served this nation with courage and selflessness. If you are someone who knows me and I have harmed you I would ask your forgiveness, or at least indentify yourself and we can discuss this like rational and mature adults. If you do not know me, or you know of me, or you have an issue with me, I would also ask you to contact me so we can resolve this. Life is short. We ought to laugh a little, well, actually a great deal. I own my shortcomings, but I do not hate. My blog name:"Ed's Circus of Hate" was actually given to me my a friend who possesses comedic gifts as well as a keen intelligence, and I thought the title hilarious. And in jest. I just ask of you to tell me what part bothers you, or if this is personal, tell me why. Sincerely, Ed Hattaway
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You want to talk some HATE? Yes, those handshakes are irritating as hell. But when I get my true hate on, it is directed at something else. I have beautiful trees in my yard, a great little pool, and a balcony that overlooks it. Sounds good? It would be if it weren't for one thing: TREE ROACHES. I despise those big bastards. They are yard terrorists. During the spring I like to leave my balcony door open all night and sleep. No can do. Giant roaches will fly in and land on me. This causes general hysteria on my part, and uncontrollable trembling, akin to my being tasered. After dark in the summer I cannot sit outside on my own deck without dealing with swarms of them. On occasion one will crawl across my bare foot, requiring me to take a shower post haste. I'm no clean freak, but roach-touching = hot shower, NOW. Once one flew into my hair and it took me an hour and about three quarters of a bottle of shampoo to stop the grand mal seizures. It fills me with glee to see one three-quarters dead on my kitchen floor, having been mutilated and tortured by one of my cats. I will then smash it repeatedly until it is the depth of tissue paper and put on rubber gloves lined with paper towels and carry it, arms in front of me like Frankenstein to the toilet, where I will flush twice to make sure it doesn't come floating back up on a random turd at some point. I have been told by those in-the-know that these little sumbitches serve some twisted ecological purpose, but I want them eliminated from this planet. WITH POISON. I don't care if this kills the rain forests and the polar ice cap melts. Roaches must die. All of them. Now don't get me started on clowns...ellen
ReplyDeleteGee, this spot is a great place to place my rants. I'm not familiar with blog rules, but I've got a lotta peevishness built up over the years. Just the other day I wrote this one:
ReplyDeleteTits
You know another thing I hate? Having big boobs. All my life, (except for a short-lived period in junior high, when being flat-chested was the norm and everybody talked about the "stacked" girls and I wanted to be one) I have had breasts that were not proportionate with the rest of my body. There was a time (alas, no longer) when I was long, tall and thin, but I had these fleshy protrusions on my chest that got in the way of everything. Nowadays people pay thousands of dollars to have these things constructed, or to have them super-sized. If I had the money, I’d have had mine lopped down to size a long time ago.
There are several reasons why big titties are a burden. One, you have to wear bras built like the Golden Gate Bridge. Second, has anyone priced bras these days? The ones that “lift, separate and support” and are designed to make you look like you have no nipples start at about $60.00 and go up from there. Last year I paid over $80.00 for a “Wonder Bra.” It was no better than the ones at Target. And that’s a lot of moolah just for a hammock-like device to support your ta-tas. No matter how much you spend, you are still going to end up with permanent dents in your shoulders, because where do you think that “support” comes from, heaven?
Another reason maxi-sized hooters are inconvenient is that they will fall into your plate when you are trying to eat dinner if you are not careful. Lean over into your Spinach Enchiladas with Authentic Mole Sauce (pronounced mole-ay, for those of you who are not Texicans) or your Mesquite Grilled Ceasar Salad, and you will be wearing same on the underside of your breasts for the rest of the evening. I swear, in my heaviest days (we will not mention numbers) I used to carry a spare tank top in my purse just in case. And by the way, those high-beam “headlights” ? They are nipples, okay? They serve a purpose in a woman’s child-bearing years, and they are there to stay. We are women. We have them. Sometimes they show. Most of us do not want to worry about this fact. This does not mean we are trying to turn you on. They just ARE.
Furthermore, my boobs have never attracted, to the best of my knowledge, a man who would be considered a “catch.” I suppose if they had served that purpose and acquired for me a cute, rich man with a great sense of humor, and an affinity for purchasing expensive jewelry and luxury vehicles, I might feel a little more tolerant of them. Both of my exes were “breast men.” Both turned out to be losers who spent my money and then left me for younger versions. (Then the younger versions both got fat. Hah!) Go figure.
I honestly feel sorry for young girls these days who think they have to have a 19-inch waist and 36-C sized fun bags. They will regret having made such a move by the time they are 40+ and have added some natural weight, a little belly, have less muscle tone, and those formerly perky torpedos have become hard-ass dud blobs of leaking solidified silly putty hanging around their belly button. And the worst part: these women are not having this surgery for their own self-esteem. They are doing it to attract men. And I’m sorry, (see paragraph above) but men who would want their significant other to undergo painful intrusive surgery so they can show off their nay-nays are shallow and I very much doubt they have staying-power. (Excuse the double entendre.
I wish someone would explain all this to me. Twin Peaks are a burden to those of us who just want to be proportionate and avoid aching backs. It is like walking around with two large (and quite sensitive) honeydews strapped to your chest. Men should try this for just one day and they might understand our plight. Would guys want to deal with all this if the tables were turned? I doubt it.
I’m just sayin…
Hey, Ed! Well that post made me laugh OUT LOUD, but do you think whoever found it offensive just might have been referring to the "want you dead" part? Just sayin. :)
ReplyDeleteYou remind me of Hunter S. Thompson. But you DEFINITELY need an editor! Wink, wink. Hint.